In The Beginning.
When I was a kid,
my mind was introduced to ideas of "beauty" that were: unrealistic,
false, corrupt, misleading and dangerous. No matter how much our parents try
to protect us, we are inevitably surrounded and approached by many types of
situations that are influential and could cause corruption. The corrupt misleading about what beauty means could alter how one may feel
about themselves. Also, we begin to become confused about what "beautiful" is (mind, spirit, and heart, and according to God's Word) and how "beautiful" feels (this can be either a healthy or a corrupt personal perception, which is why it is important to know what "beautiful" actually is).
Our perceptions and feelings about beauty and about ourselves could follow us throughout our lives. However, they are also subject to change; and you want those changes to be healthy, about growth, and ones that will encourage others in beautiful ways! Have you ever heard the saying, "You
are a product of your environment"? Well, we are going to correct that saying right now! Listen up: You are a product of your environment, only if you choose to be!
You Do Not Know How Precious You Are.
Let's keep it
honest, but in a very loving way: It is scary how much skin we are seeing online these
days, especially amongst our precious youth! Television, social media, magazines, what is all too available online in general, billboards,
and more, are all contributing to the poisoning of the spirit, heart, and mind. (That also leads to the poisoning of our relationships with one another, as what we are being taught, including subliminally, is causing us to forget how to treat one another and how to respect ourselves.)
This is not to bash anyone. This is coming from a place of sincere love--God's love. This must
be said: There are so many posts from teens-- who are very
popular on social media and have so
much influence on other teens--posting pictures of
themselves with their actual
backsides showing from out of their mini shorts. Some shorts could pass for denim underwear. Some girls are in thong bikinis, snapping shots
of their backsides to post on social media. Precious girls: You do not know how DANGEROUS
that it. You do not know just how PRECIOUS you truly are! You never have to expose your body parts in order to be or feel beautiful--or successful! Yes, you might
get attention and "opportunities" from doing so--but not all attention is good attention, and not every "opportunity" is a good or even a safe opportunity.
Sometimes, the ones who are influenced go on to become the new influencers (sometimes, obviously). Sometimes, deception to overexpose our bodies in order to be or feel beautiful or successful comes our way in enticing words like these:
"Love your body!"
"Celebrate your body!"
"There's
nothing wrong with embracing your body!"
Guess what? The words are true--but the motives behind telling you to do these
things, and how you are being led to do them, are all wrong! You are being delivered false and deceiving motivational speeches. That is a spiritual attack! That is where the deception comes in; lies and deception are from Satan: Every believable lie
has a little bit of truth added to draw you in.
Here is the truth: Yes, you can love,
celebrate, and embrace your body! However, this does not mean trading in your
safety, integrity, value, virtue, self-love, self-respect, self-worth, and the awareness that
your life--whether you know or like it or not--is connected to and affects
the lives of others:
17 And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.
-Colossians 3:17
It is very important that we remember how God views our bodies:
19 Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, 20 for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.
-1 Corinthians 6:19-20
This is a very beautiful way to "clothe" ourselves; this is true beauty:
12 Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. 14 Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.
16 Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts.
-Colossians 3:12-16
The Origins of the Destruction of Perceptions of Beauty.
This is said with love,
as I prayerfully deliver; with understanding (as I used to dress some of these ways), patience, and humility. I do not believe in behaving "holier-than-thou" or being condescending. There are many reasons why some girls, teens, and women dress so revealing: We make sure the cleavage and thighs are "poppin'." We rock
what might as well be bras as shirts. We love miniskirts, short dresses, and super short shorts
(that at times barely cover our "personals areas"). Here are a few reasons why some girls, teens, and women dress so revealing:
1) Influence, exposure, misleading ideas, and deceptions, as
previously discussed.
2) To fit in with certain groups of "friends."
3) To get the attention of a certain guy or guys.
4) Insecurities that vary.
5) It is just a personal perception of what one considers as being
"cute," "beautiful," "fashionable," or
"sexy." (This could just lead back to point number 1.)
6) Abuse. Some girls, teens, and women have been abused or are currently being abused--verbally, physically, sexually, mentally, in many ways. Those issues can run deeper.
7) Heartbreak. (That could cause people to act out of character or change in character. This can also run deeper.)
8) Some form of rebellion. The reasons for rebellion vary.
9) Other.
10) A combination of all of the above.
Here is the truth. I used to go out with mid-drifts that were
pretty short, and a couple of those "tops" might as well have been bras. I am not very busty
at all. However, I used to make it happen with my cleavage! A good push up bra
and the right alteration of clothing was my jam! I never wore super short
things that almost exposed my "personal parts" on my bottom half, but my skirts and dresses
were still short enough for me to have to constantly pull them down (too short). So, I have been there and I understand. My reasons for dressing revealing were
pretty much numbers one and five (minus being or feeling influenced, as it was still very much so my own conscience choice and developed personal taste in fashion, sometimes just inspired by what I was exposed to). However, whatever the reason(s) may be for others,
no reason makes one person better or lesser than the other. No one is more or less righteous than the other just because we have different styles of immodesty, as wrong is wrong; too revealing is too revealing; causing others to stumble is causing others to stumble. It is just not a good thing either way.
So, what made me change? Well, quite frankly: Who changed me was God. He opened my eyes and gave me understanding regarding my life experiences. He also made me realized that I needed to transition from girl to woman; this caused me to no longer desire to dress like a 16 year old teenager when I was a 20 year old woman. God had caused me to consider how my attire could affect my future, as well as affect the people whom God has planned for me to have in my life.
Why I Changed My Look.
Disclaimer: We all are given free will. So, you are never to blame for how someone else chooses to treat you, speak to you, or hurt you. You could walk out of the house
completely nude, and if somebody chooses to be rude or hurt you, that is their unwise, evil choice, and not your fault. (Of course, that is not to say that it is wise or right to walk out of your house nude or close to nude.) The point is this: We all have a choice to be loving, encouraging, uplifting, and helpful, and to lead each other to Jesus Christ. However, if we instead choose to be or do evil, we are the problem and not our victims; and then God would then deal with us about how badly we
treated someone!
Having said all of that, let us still be wise and remember this: There are so many twisted,
rude, mean-spirited, evil, disrespectful, degrading, womanizing, heartbreaking, hurtful, predatory, people
out in the world; and we will cross paths with them. Honestly, when I dressed the revealing ways I used to dress, I caught the attention of those types of people even more. Yes, (I say this humbly) people
often complimented me on my heart and not just my exterior. However, no matter how good of a heart you
have, how loving and kind you are, or how good of a
girlfriend or wife you could be, here is the truth: You can deflect the ones who are good
for your life, and attract the ones who are bad and even dangerous for your
life, when you dress too revealing. How so? Exposing too much of your body could give the impression that you are more exterior driven than you are interior driven; and when you showcase your body so sensually, you then present yourself as a sexual advertisement (even if that was never your intention).
I know this because I personally experienced this! I even had male cousins who seen a sex symbol and dollar signs when they looked at me, and if I allowed them too, they would have used me for their own personal gain in Hollywood.
My love life was also affected. There were guys who would assume that I was open to fornicating with them, and when they found out that I am celibate until marriage, they would act surprised, or they would get frustrated with me and disappear on me. Some would also be surprised at themselves when they would get to know my heart and mind, and since that was never their intention--to fall for me--they would back away from me or just disappear, leaving me with a broken heart. Although some guys did look past my attire and simply enjoyed my company or befriended me, I still noticed that guys with the wrong intentions were approaching me way too much. I want love, not lust. I want a husband, not someone with evil intentions to use me for sex. Since God has a man predestinated for me to marry in His will for my life, I do not need any confusion or extra heartbreak to have to heal from along the way as I wait for God to green-light my future husband.
Next, God caused me to selflessly think
about how my future husband and children would feel having their wife and mother's
body displayed, including on social media, for all to see. (You also never know who might be stealing and posting your pictures on random and even on "adult" websites. It is so possible these days, and the existence of photoshop and programs like it makes it so much easier for sketchy and perverted people to use your pictures for their evil activities.) When it comes to my future husband, I had to think about how he would feel knowing that he's not special enough to be given the privilege to be the only man to see his wife in a sexual way? When it comes to my future children, I had to think about how their lives could be affected by my revealing attire in regards to their classmates, friends, and even bullies. It certainly can affect them.
Here is something that some of us never considered: Job opportunities are also missed due to what
you post online. When it comes to business, how you present yourself
and how you carry yourself, is also a reflection and representation of that
company or business.
Lastly, I was growing closer to God. As you grow spiritually, your reverence and love for God grows as well:
12And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. 2 Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.
-Romans 12:1-2
Meet Her Where She Is.
So, what can be done to encourage modesty amongst our girls, teen, and women? Please remember this:
Change does not always happen overnight. In my life, God had to make the things that I shared
with you all (and the hurtful things that I did not share) really clear to me. God gave me
understanding. God was patient. God was loving. God gave me time. Over time, God changed my heart first. God moved my spirit to desire a change. God knew that I could not afford a new wardrobe. I had even prayed for new clothes. God provided the clothing that
I needed to make my changes! (Praise God! God provides!) People who did not even know my situations began to just give me clothing, sometimes brand new. They even began to give me shoes and accessories. I also received more modest, neutral colored makeup. (Although I do not wear foundation or powder, I still used to go overboard, and all at once, with the colors on my face. I had no idea what I was doing! God was just trying to kindly help a sista out! I have nothing against makeup! Too much color just does not fit my face.) Humbly said, it has been somewhere around 10 years since I prayed that prayer, and God's provisions still continue.
Let me be very clear about something: When God first provided me with new clothing, He did not just throw a big shirt or loose fitting clothes at me and say, "Here! Cover up!" No! If God would have done that, I would not have felt right and I would have been unhappy; I would have felt like I was loosing myself: because my taste in attire and my mindset behind it were parts of who I was at that time! God knew this! So, He changed my heart and moved my spirit to desire a change first! This was a slow process for me. He first gave me clothing that at least covered my stomach. My dresses got longer. My cleavage got covered. I was changing: I now began to desire for my outside to match who I had now become inside. So, He prepared my spirit-person first.
When I first prayed for new clothing, I had no idea what God had in store for me: A new wardrobe for a new mindset and a new life! The more I grew inside, the more modest the clothing that God was providing became. At first, the new clothes I received were not too
different from what I would normally wear--just a tad bit more modest. Then,
I began receiving clothing I would probably wear--but just on special occasions or to
church. Then, I began receiving
clothing that I would have never gravitated toward in a store and would classify
as, "pretty but not for me"-- but I would still desire to try them on, and since God had slowly introduced me to this new life and new attire, I would find myself really liking these clothes! Then
liking transformed into loving!
You see: If you try
to change the EXTERIOR, without taking the time--with
understanding and patience--to lovingly deal with the INTERIOR: the
transformation will either not work or not last!
Thank You . . .
There is so much beauty in the fact that, along my journey to modesty, there were still people who always loved me for who I was inside, no matter how immodestly I dressed. They respected my process and me in general. They had faith that my future would be bright. They
still listened to me talk--even about God, while I was dressed immodestly--and they took me, my words and such, seriously. They prayed for me. They gave me spiritual advice when I needed it. They looked beyond my exterior, right into my heart. To those
of you: Thank you. You will forever be appreciated for that.
Fashion Share of the Day!
So, what is the fashion share for the day? It is a share based on the fact that GOD CAN MEET YOU WHERE YOU ARE! These days, I would definitely wear this dress--but not paired with the dramatic jaguar eyeliner and gold nails, as it is not for me. Although, it is still a really cute look! Someone with a "holier-than-thou" attitude might not give someone dressed like this much credit (if any credit at all). They might make questionable comments, some rude. They might make unrighteous judgments. However, let's examine this look!
No cleavage showing. No thighs showing. No lady parts or backside about to be exposed.
Ah, so it is a change! A little bit of a difference still counts as a difference--it is still progress!
So, PLEASE STOP being so negative, and GIVE NOTICE to the changes and progress that a person has made! Continue to encourage them! Edify them! Uplift them! Love them! Be understanding and loving! If you once dressed revealing: remember where you came from, be patient with others on that same journey, and extend to them the same patient love that God extended to you. Even if you cannot relate to the way someone dresses, please remember that you are not without sin. Encourage, instead of bringing someone else down.
I love you all, but God loves you BEST of all! May God bless you all!
In Service to My Heavenly Father,
With the Love of Jesus Christ,
Charrese McSee
Uplifting
Message of The Day:
God will meet you where you are.
(Click on the photos to see them all bigger.)
MY MIND AND ATTIRE TRANSFORMATION IN PICTURES:
(Click picture to see large.)
In this era (my teenage years), most days, I showed a lot of skin. I did not always wear skirts, but it did occur--mainly for pictures. Most times, I wore small tops paired with jeans. Sometimes, I would also wear small tops paired with baggy pants. (Yes, I ripped stuff up and made my own attire and accessories. Haha. Humbly said, I'm glad I use my creativity and sewing for good now.) For the record, I only wore that jersey outfit just once, and I never wore it again once I realized you could actually see through it in certain lighting. I know . . . (you're probably screaming, "Jersey's have holes, Charrese!") . . . I just didn't put enough thought into it when I was making it.
As time passed (I had just entered my 20's in these photos), this was my usual attire: Jeans and a little shirt (or something pretending to be a shirt). The bra and blazer number I tried to pull was just experimental and a one-time thing--but I am almost certain that it would have eventually become a thing for me. By the way, God made that belly ring fall right out, and that piercing closed up so quickly and it refused to re-open! Lol! Hilarious! I love that!
All my "fancy" dresses for going out or taking photos in had to be either short, include a bit too much cleavage (and I tried with my little bit, haha), or a combination of both. The bottom middle picture is a piece of lingerie pretending to be a shirt--something new I regrettably started to play with.
As time went on, God was still making changes within me. Life lessons were occurring. My heart was changing. Though, it was still a process. As you can see, the short "shirts" went away, though I was still showing a bit much up top. Also, as you can see by my pose (upper right): I was still learning to entirely grasp the value in showcasing my virtuous heart and intelligent mind, and in having a God-fearing and God-respecting spirit. These things were within me (the spiritual part was still a work in progress), but I was still holding on to trying to be Miss Sexy on the outside too. Yet, STILL:
PROGRESS IS STILL PROGRESS!
Flowing dresses started to make me feel just as beautiful as the tight ones did. I started to realize that showing less, can be more! I started to notice changes within myself, in the people who were attracted to me (romantically), even in the people that I found myself attracted to, and more. (I do not allow others to validate me. It was just very clear that God was preparing me for love (which I always desired no matter how I was dressed), and the guys who were just looking for lust (and viewing me as a sexual advertisement) were not coming my way as much anymore because my heart for God started to shine more; and they knew not to try me (lol), unless they (selfishly) seen me as some kind of game or challenge. (Of course, they could not crack the code, so they would just leave my life--and although that would sometimes hurt, I am truly thankful for their dismissal.) Now, with the inner and outer changes, I just avoided more heartbreak by attracting less of the bad ones. (For the record: I've only had three boyfriends my whole life. I've never been into the dating scene because I believe in getting to know only one person at a time. However, every once in a while, I've opened up my heart to someone, and 99% of the time, it got broken. BUT that's because I was not seeking GOD'S will for my life! I am now, and God's got me entirely covered.)
Transformation was pretty much complete on the outside--but God was still working on my inside.
As I experienced many things in life, (mostly pain which gave birth to positive life lessons), grew closer to God, and started to feel and see changes, something else happened: God placed it on my heart to get baptized, and I was in total agreement! Something big happened after this day, and it is still happening in the present: The Holy Spirit made His home within me.
(My face was swollen due to medications I was taking at the time for Ulcerative Colitis, and I also had a bad diet.)
Of course, when God makes changes within you, the devil tries to place the temptation within you to revert back to what you were delivered from--what you were used to.
However, once the Holy Spirit enters you; once God opens your spiritual eyes and that blinding wicked veil is removed; once God changes your spirit, heart, and mind--that is it! You just cannot go back to your old ways and feel okay what that! Your spirit will not allow you to go back! Not without a fight! You just naturally want to move forward and grow!
That is God. That is love. That is God's love. That is a humble self-love.
Thank you for coming with me on my journey!
ATTENTION: Growth and learning is ageless and timeless. Please DO
NOT attack my mother for how I dressed in my teenage years. In that era,
dressing this way was common in some areas and lifestyles--and while that does not make
it right, we BOTH were still developing in our perceptions, views, and
spiritual growth. Also, I did not dress revealing to church; my Mom made sure I did not, and I also personally just knew not to dress revealing to church. Thank you and may God bless you.
Copyright 2017, Charrese Monique
All Rights Reserved.
